I wish I could offer some sound advice, however, all I have right now is the simple statement of “You’re not alone.” In fact, I’m wondering if we’re dating the same man!;-)
Like you, I’ve been in this relationship for about 6 years. In those 6 years, I’ve been pushed to my absolute breaking point mentally. I’ve tried multiple strategies to cope, and have failed at more than I’ve succeeded at, but, here’s what’s worked for me (so far):
Therapy – I have my own therapist. He helps me put things in perspective. He helps me understand. But most importantly, it’s my time. I can unload there.
Boundaries – I didn’t even realize I had a hard time setting boundaries until I met this man. But in order to maintain some semblance of sanity, I needed to. At first, I think I just acted cold in order to get my personal space, but now I’m working to gently but firmly establish them. Mine comes along with a child, who also has ADHD – boundaries are critical.
So far, that’s it, lol. My list of what does NOT work is longer – yelling at him, thinking I can change him, trying to change him, drinking…all of that? Nope. I hope this helps in some way – sending hugs!!:)