Seek help beyond this forum.
I am the ADHD husband and my wife was often the one running on empty. We have been married 22 years and I was finally diagnosed about 10 years ago but she kind of knew what was going on for many years. The biggest clue was one day I was sick and took a really strong and high dose decongestant (aka stimulant) and was very focused on my project all day and at the end of the day, my wife found me cleaning our furnace. I finished my project, half the house was spotless and I moved on to the furnace. It was quite a funny scene.
Your husband owes it to himself and to you to seek treatment (if he has not done so already) and to find a good ADHD coach. I have been through 3 of them until I found one that I could work with. We build strategies to make life work for me and the rest of the family. My wife works with me to find solutions and we go through our frustrations but have many more benefits overall.
Never allow ADHD to be a crutch! ADHD is a gift, a superpower. He needs to harness that power in a positive way and a lot of good will come out of it.
Best of luck.