I know what you mean, precisely. I got really politically active after 2016, only to have someone I quickly trusted (let’s call her Janice) do some batshit betrayal, first on me, they on everyone else in the group. I don’t often have witnesses to some of the shitty behavior I’ve been exposed to, so I at least had reassurance that it wasn’t just me. But like you, I’ve had a LOT of terrible, toxic relationships that have soured me on letting people get even remotely close to me. In they end, so many of them have betrayed me in some way. But once in a while, I make a connection with someone who seems trustworthy. Some of the people in my political group have recently become mostly trusted friends, but it has taken two years and I’m still very wary. I still have social phobia ESPECIALLY after what Janice did. It’s only gotten worse and has demoralized me for months. But these trusted friends still hang by me on a Facebook chat group and they don’t harass me for taking time away.
So, I still think it’s worth attempting to reach out socially, but you have to go slow, take your time, and build a sturdy foundation. It’s not easy, but it’s been deeply reassuring to find a few people who are kind enough to be patient with me as I work through my shit.