Reply To: Struggling with Loneliness

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#113382
A-Hörnchen
Participant

Dear Skypark,
you have in this very post answered your own question,defined your expressed problem, if you will.

The issue is one of attitude and expectations or standards, not one of genuine inability in the social arena, misunderstanding or sending/giving off counterproductive “vibes“ [nonverbal communication or body language] alone.

I emphasize this bc most often in truth the latter actually leads to the former and the combination of both eventually make the individual miserable.

But I digress.

On a more helpful note:
One way to try and get out of this auto – isolation (as I have come to label it) is to begin to challenge or question yourself on specific points of your own statements.

An example:
You write that you absolutely can and/or will not tolerate socializing with anyone lacking “intelligence“.

Now, what would [most likely] be your reaction if, for instance, I were to declare right here and now my absolute unwillingness to continue communication with you bc those 2 texts of yours I’ve just read have decided me as to an absolute lack of intelligence – as I personally prefer to define it – on your part.

Obvious questions?
How do you define intelligence? What’s the “minimum IQ required“ for socialization with you? Is this an arbitrary line you draw? Or else, can you trace and ideally rationally defend both its origin and placement?

Can you see how even just this one point might induce other people to view you as arrogant and thus unfit for close relations or at least fairly unpleasant company?

Do you sincerely WISH to change this?

The same kind of “drill“ could then be enacted with regards to the term “conscientious“.

One possible solution to [part of] the dilemma

How about creating an outer and an inner circle of friends and acquaintances [ a bit like we read of Christ Jesus having acted throughout the New Testament (the triumvirate – consisting of Peter, John and James; the Twelve – consisting of all the apostles and so forth! :-)] as a method of, well, kind of including both your higher standards AND opening yourself up to a greater variety of different people at the same time!

Ugh. And now, I ‘ve just lost my train of thought.
I will therefore have to get back to you. That is, off course, if you’re interested in my further relating more or less helpful tips and hacks tested during the past 36 plus years.

Additionally I sincerely hope that my straightforward way of “calling the beast by its name“ did not in any way hurt or insult you for that has very definitely NOT been my intention!

Sincerely,
Aaron 🙂