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Good luck, WarmMuddle!! I hope he finds something that gives him more energy so he can give you and others more time and attention!
I also think that this thread shows how difficult things can be for spouses, and why we feel guilty and like we can’t do anything right (even when we’re doing a LOT!!) We need compassion and empathy, too, because we’re not perfect, either. And when we try to get help, we get conflicting advice – like to help our partners, but not parent them. What’s the difference? How do I know where that line is? What if my husband doesn’t agree with where the line is? Even when I try to frame it as “helping”, it gets perceived as “nagging”, and I can’t control another person’s perception or willingness to accept help. It’s frustrating. I would never wish these struggles on anyone else, but it’s been nice talking to you about them, because I can tell you get it and aren’t judging. I don’t judge you for being frustrated and exhausted either – and I hope you get some relief soon!