I know exactly what you’re saying here, with the trade-off or cost-benefit analysis, and it’s exactly the same with me. I know the meds make me feel awful, and I know that I can’t get any of the things done that I need to without them, so I schedule them almost obsessively. I weigh the pros and cons every single time I take them, and often talk to my parents to set aside time for me to work uninterrupted for a few hours on weekends, so I can only take one dose of meds and get everything done that I need to, or take one dose of meds at the exact right time so that I’ll be uninterrupted for their duration, in order to get as much done as I can with the fewest possible doses. It’s not ruining my life, in fact I think that, overall, I’ve really got my life pretty on track. But it just can feel so awful sometimes, like I’ll feel this way forever or like I’m worse than other people because I have to take them just to get anything done, or like I just want to give up and stop dealing with them altogether and let all of the work I’ve put in be for nothing. But I haven’t caved yet, and don’t plan to anytime soon. Your input here means so much to me, I know so many other people with ADHD but none of them have this same issue that I do and it’s beyond reassuring to know that it’s not just me being weird or something.