Reply To: my meds are ruining everything

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hello amznwmn!
to answer your question about my doctor and diagnosis, I was diagnosed by my pediatrician initially, but after I took my break from adderall XR in 7th grade, I went to the hallowell center in sudbury MA, (a center specifically for ADHD) where I met with a psychiatrist who talked me through my issues, agreed that I did have a very high-grade case of ADHD, and prescribed me the dextroamphetamine I take today.
as for dosage, up until very recently I was only taking about 20-30mg a day, 10 in the morning and 10 at noon, sometimes 10 when leaving school. even at that point I was feeling the same side effects I feel now, but a month or so ago I started to feel less of the focus and motivation I would get from the 10mg doses. Both my pediatrician and the psychiatrist I met with had told me in the past what I tiny dose I took for someone my size (around 150 lbs.). I did initially decide to up my dosage with my pediatrician, but not before she’d talked to a specialist and they agreed it was the right decision.
I’ve talked to my parents about my problems with side effects, but I’ve tried so many different meds in the past that we’ve kind of agreed that this seems like the only real course of action. Currently I’m excelling in school at the cost of feeling this way, but I’m in a holding pattern right now, and I might be able to get a real break this summer. If they were to take me off the meds, I’d be in a far worse place in every respect than I’m in right now. (We often compare it to taking away my insulin, as I’m also a type 1 diabetic).
I have a method of coping with issues in my life where I just research the hell out of them, and often if I understand every little working piece of something, it clicks in my head in a very fundamental way. I have spent hours learning about the dopamine and norepinephrine that I lack and the ways I can manage that deficiency, through exercise and eating enough and making lists and spending time outside and entertaining myself with video games or anything else. and for the most part, that’s what I’ve been doing to cope. I keep myself at a bearable level by working to fight my meds crash from the moment they wear off to the moment I go to bed. but it’s hard to keep that up, and it’s tiring, and I just get so frustrated that I can’t get myself to do the things I need to do without my meds. April break is coming soon, and I found that after February break, I had a few weeks of really good days, in terms of my meds. I was more motivated, less fatigued, able to manage side effects better, more productive, felt better, didn’t crash as hard, etc. I think that maybe once I get that week long April break away from my meds, I might come out of it feeling better. That’s the hope, anyway.
I really appreciate your concern, and I’m hoping this helps answer your questions.