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Leftie – it’s nice to know someone gets the struggle!
amznwmn – I’m wondering what experience you’ve had with ADD. Since one of the main difficulties those with ADD experience is difficulty getting started on tasks (no matter how good they are at them) assigning tasks that a spouse with ADD is good at doesn’t change whether they finish tasks. If we assign tasks by who will get them done then us non-ADD spouses end up doing everything.
What you say is exactly the problem – a spouse with under-treated ADD doesn’t do any giving.
Also, you’re discounting factors that change a person’s ADD over the course of a marriage, including dating hyperfocus (which often ends with marriage), worsening of symptoms with aging, and secondary depression.
But you seem to know your response would be controversial – maybe you know these things, but are just looking for an argument? It’s very curious.