Put it in writing. Sit down together, talk about your plan and your agreements, who’s going to bo what, and especially the expected time lines. Ask him if he has any concerns about the plan or if there are aspects of it that he would like to change, if he could. In a roundabout way, what you’re getting at is to have him identify the reason he’s avoiding cooperating with you.
After your discussion, write out what basically amounts to acontract between you. Have him thoroughly read and understand what his obligations are under the new agreement and both of you sign it. Then get a large wall calendar and note the deadlines you agreed to on the calendar in different colors – make all of his deadlines bright red or some other noticeable color and the same for your deadlines, although not so bright because you don’t want the deadlines visually competing with each other for his attention.
As his deadlines approach, remind him of them by asking if he needs any help completing them or if there’s anything you can do to help him meet his goal (deadline). Make an effort not to nag him about his approaching deadline. It’s important to frame the reminder as an offer to help him succeed at that one goal.
I’m not suggesting that anyone coddle their husbands or be supplicant. It’s a matter of understanding and working within the scope of partnerships, and the give and take that comes along with being married. Everybody has areas of strengths and weaknesses. In any good marriage, those strengths and weaknesses balance out between spouses, wherein one spouse is strong where the other is weak.
Follow-thru is a well-known area of ADD/ADHD weakness. As such, marriages require a little more give and take, and an understanding of how best to help each other succeed.
I’d be interested in hearing how things work out.