I’m not sure how my delivery comes across. I am try to present it sincerely and respectfully. I have been upfront that I approach all things analytically. I have PhD, and am relying on peer-reviewed scholarship, and only studies published in international journals since 2000. I have asked 3 times for insight into his approach,hoping for a starting point to dig into the vast literature. He dismissed my first question based on a brain imaging study that I found through PubMed. He criticized me for not using reputable sources and exhibiting scepticism to the point of absurdity (I was asking for his thoughts on the conclusions of the study and its implications for treatment). He said he had never heard of PubMed, maybe saw an ad for it on Facebook but never looked at it himself. I tried to explain what PubMed was, but it still didn’t click. His only suggestion in my third visit (other than to be aware that there is some disagreement in the literature, in general, not on any specific topic), was to seek out the work of Joseph Biederman.
I am a very active consumer of medical treatment as I have several chronic physical conditions, and have been burned by passive acquiessence to first plans by a physician. I refuse to accept unjustified treatment. I try to be respectful but assertive.
I have had (long suspected, never diagnosed) ADD my whole life. It was never a major problem until recently when I started experiencing a major depressive episode. I’m trying to find a path back to the type of functionality I had where I had learned to use the unique strengths of the condition to accomplish intellectual tasks and move my unit forward. Several things about my daily routine have changed in my job, and it seems reasonable that the exaggeration of the mismatch between my mind’s organization and the requirements of my job could cause a secondary depression. I do not want to have my mental identity stimulated out of existence. I want help getting back to functional. I want to be able to give informed consent to a treatment plan. I’m doing a lot of heavy lifting bringing myself up to speed, and I hope that I can find a provider that will help me on that journey, not resist me, or try to belittle me. I have read more than 50 articles (journal articles in ranked scientific publications) in the last 3 weeks on evenings and weekends instead of working on my own research. To assume I’m incompetent and incapable of identifying reputa9and authoritative sources of information is not going to win my confidence. All of my other doctors will spend time to justify their recommendations and contextualize my questions within their expertise. I’m not trying to be the expert. I’m trying to be informed by the expert in the only way I know how.