Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

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I really really love my husband and he is the most important person in my life, but I have to admit there are times when I wish I had not fallen in love with him because of his ADD. It’s not just the angry outbursts and mood swings, but he has a tendency to behave dangerously as well. He very often ignores the rules and chooses the opposite course against anything that makes sense or keeps us safe. We have fought our way back from the brink of poverty several times over the 16 years of our marriage. Somehow I manage to find a way to get us back on our feet only to have him make an unwise business decision or investment that destroys everything I have built. He used to try to get and keep jobs but after so many failures we now rely only on what I can earn. That would be fine if he would leave my business to me but he insists on taking part and it always leads to disaster.

I am in a constant state of anxiety and fear. He will insist on driving us from place to place but nearly gets us into an accident every day. He will start out into traffic while the windscreen is frosted over and I know he cannot see clearly. No matter how I protest he will insist on doing these kinds of dangerous things to the point where I have had to jump out of the car to avoid being injured or killed. He will deliberately go the wrong way onto a one way street. If I protest he gets really angry with me and shouts at me to leave him alone and stop back seat driving. Later, he will be soothing and comforting me and letting me know how much he loves me. I know he doesn’t want to behave this way. He loves me and depends on me for everything. He is my constant companion and now that we are both in our 60s we are nearly the only company each other has. I need him in my live and don’t know what I would do without him now. But, like I said, if I had it to do over, I would choose not to have this life of uncertainty, anxiety and fear. I am not only fearful for myself but also for him. I love him so much and it breaks my heart to see him making so many mistakes and it kills him to know how his mistakes effect me as well. It’s a heart breaking situation.