I feel you.
I’m nine months into a job that I still feel new at because I can’t get going. I’m very smart and very personable, with a chemical engineering degree. I know I’m capable but I’m floundering and I feel very guilty for it. I started pursuing diagnosis about 3 months into the job. And here I am. No progress made.
Everybody says “do something for yourself” but if I’m not thinking about work, I’m fine. I have the ADHD symptoms of course, but my guilt isn’t so present and crippling.
So I did something for myself and got myself hospitalized because I was so hopeless about this I started thinking dangerously. I did great in the hospital, everybody’s favorite patient. I was happy, I laughed a lot, I wasn’t so hard on myself. Then back to work and I’m back at square one.
Sorry to pile on 🙁 It’s just so nice that people like you understand.