Hi road runner
Every single word you wrote resonates with me so don’t despair you are not alone.
I am living in the UK and was just assessed in October 2018 ( turned 40 Dec 2018). The psychologist referred me to an ADHD specialist. I am now on a very long waiting list which is so frustrating.
I have had problems since I was a child, zoning out was the first thing I recall, I never played with the other kids, I either tagged along or just had a single friend, I actually struggled to maintain friendships throughout my life and just burned bridges everywhere I went.
During my teens I started talking out loud to myself, my parents weren’t that educated and were passive parents, they didn’t take me to the doctor. Look up maladaptive day dreaming by Eli Somers, the talking ties in with excessive day dreaming which never stops. It’s like my brain is a tv and someone else has the remote control and is flicking through the channels.
In my mid teens I went to the doctor myself and told her I was depressed, she prescribed anti depressant, for years I tried every type of anti depressant going, I couldn’t stand the side effects and stopped taking them after a few weeks. I kept going back and telling them the drugs are not working so they would try me on a diff one.
I struggled academically and in the work place, I struggled to fit in, couldn’t hold down a job, was never comfortable with my peers, I realise now it’s social/ avoidant anxiety, which are all related to the adhd .
I have been round in circles with mental health, spokento many GPS, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrist, went alone each time as I can’t trust my family and friends to keep their mouths shut. I have been given a diagnosis for chrinic depression, anxiety, paranoid personality disorder (the last one I refused to accept as it wasn’t a complete analysis, the psychiatrist just Homes in on that because I said I find it had to trust People).
You have to remember the diagnosis will depend on what the psychiatrist ASKs you and what You TELL them. If you say I’m depressed you will most likely end up with a diagnosis for that, Thai may not be curate as you may have a whole load of other symptoms which need to be addressed.
They all work differently too, some treat the symptoms, they don’t give you a label as one doctor said to me a diagnosis will impact your life greatly. Another diagnosed me in a matter of minutes ( with personality disorder).
The best thing to do is write down in clear bullet points what your every day problems are, so they can determine what’s going on. I did this and finally got the correct diagnosis, I sobbed when the psychologist said I think it’s adhd and Asd (mild autism, used to be called
essentially it’s a dopamine deficiency, I have only been treated for a serotonin deficiency with anti depressants. If you have a dopamine deficiency, anti deoressants will give you very little relief, they won’t stabilise the bulk of your symptoms. They did not work for me, I am thinking of trying an anti anxiety drug to help me with the generalised and social anxiety which I’ve had.
I’m a lot like you, I am not really a people person, I hate others popping round to my home, can’t stand having other people’s kids staying over at mine.
I have my own business haven’t been that successful as I delete my business pages from my social media , delete friends and the add them again, am short with clients at times.
I despair every day because I haven’t reached my full potential, i have done so many courses but haven’t really established myself, I am Jill of all trades, I’m way behind my peers career wise, socially and emotionally, I feel intense jealousy and rage, in fact I only ever feel neagtaive emotions and thoughts.
Sorry for the long winded reply I hope it offers some insight and comfort too x