Reply To: PLEASE Tell me your story, I was just diagnosed & feeling confused/alone at 28

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#110646
MadisonDee
Participant

Specific responses to each of you:

mch08101: I feel like I have so many things I could say to respond to what you wrote but I’ll spare you the long speal! Firstly isn’t it wild how college seems to really make it known to people with adhd? It’s like college is something that really puts a spot light on the symptoms. I’m so looking forward to getting through college, I know I can find my way in the work world just a bit easier. Also when you said “So, I would say there are several other alternatives to try before trying non-stimulate options. Also, the hyperfocus is kind of what the medication is supposed to do.” Those are two statements that stood out, I didn’t realize that you can have different effects from different stimulants until doing a bit more research and reading what you wrote drove this home. I thought “a stimulant is a stimulant” so when the concerta wasn’t working I panicked because for some reason the antidepressant route makes me vary wary and I was scared that was the next logical step. Currently the concerta is working much better after giving it several weeks to settle in. However I feel that I’m at only a 30% of where I’d like to be at medication, so maybe I will ask for a higher dose when we reevaluate in a couple weeks. But now I don’t feel so scared to ask “can I try a different stimulant” Secondly the hyper focus thing is something I’m struggling to reign in, it’s like trying to tame a wild horse. I took my medication the other day in hopes of doing my calculus howework but ended up doing hours and hours of research on how to create your own wordpress website? A lot was accomplished but just in the wrong area. Lol Anyway thank you for your response I can tell you are a sweet soul!

eratz217: Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! I have been questioning lately if I should even talk about my adhd, but you are so right, the more open I am about it the more people will have awareness. I hate that it’s such a taboo subject and so prone to causing people to think you are just a “lazy good for nothing” for lack of a better term. But when I am on a good mental health day I just know deep down what is true about myself and I know that I can’t try any harder than I am and that I am doing the best I can. I can’t wait to get this medication leveled out because I know that with all of this adversity I have faced with this issue, I will be able to concur a lot, because I think when you face a life where everything is a little harder you learn how to do things other people with a bit of an easier ride don’t know how to do. So I try to look at it like I have one up on most people. As for your son, he is so lucky to have a mom that will understand him on such a level, he will never have to feel that isolating feeling because of that. And I know he will be alright, he is growing up in a boom of technology and information, his generation will be so much smarter than most people now, and they will definitely have a better understanding of stuff like ADHD.

roadrunner: Thank you for sharing your story, I definitely think it is so much harder as an adult, and from what I’ve been reading about lately it’s due to the fact that as the years go on with out a diagnosis your self esteem (like you were saying) just becomes more and more degraded. Even when it comes to simple things, like a household, I also really struggle with cleaning and even caring for my little kitty, and when you can’t accomplish these things you feel like such a failure. Now you add that up over years and years and it turns in to the only thing you hear in your head “you’re a failure” It really is the worst I know. With the diagnosis I think I expected to suddenly just have this voice disappear, but I guess it doesn’t work like that as I’ve learned. I still really struggle with turning that self esteem issue off but I guess it takes time. I bet with your therapy you are probably slowly starting to feel so much better. And at the end of the day I’m sure you’re children don’t really mind the messy living room or other things like that, all children really want is to be with there parents and for there parents to be happy! So going to therapy and dealing with this is the best thing you can do for them! Best of luck on your journey. 🙂

thecopingmechanisms: “It felt like the diagnoses was all I needed and I could continue my life doing what I’ve always done. Closure I suppose was what I was initially looking for. I hadn’t actually thought further than that!” YES YES YES. I hadn’t either, I remember going in for my diagnosis appointment where she told me what was wrong and as I walked in I was so happy like “this is it, I am finally going to be done with this and I can move on” but I realized right after walking out at the end, right after finding out about the adhd, and thinking “oh this isn’t, it, it is only just the beginning” and I didn’t feel relieved at all. I still don’t, but i’ve seen so many positive stories about people coming out of this and learning how to lead successful lives so I’m just hanging in there and fighting the good fight! Thank you for sharing your ups and downs, it truly helps me put in to perspective how this will go and helps me have healthy expectations. Thank you!

Aleksandar_Atan Firstly a bit off topic but I have to say, never apologize for your language skills, you sound completely like a fluent english speaker and I never would have questioned you once! You should really be confident because learning two languages requires a significant amount of intellect and hard work. Never apologize for a talent/skill! 🙂 Next I’d like to say I related to so many things in your story it gave me goosebumps! I am trying to work on how chatty I am but my meds are not fully there yet so instead of telling you every detail of what I related to I will highlight one that really stuck out: “I also had that luck that my close friend has somewhat similar condition and she understood me and we were together at the uni. One time she was instructing me to make copies of a book for the whole class and she gave me detailed instructions. Some girl that was going with me asked me “Why do you let her talk to you like that? She’s treating you like a child.” and I told her “Trust me, she knows what she’s doing.” because to me this wasn’t patronizing she just knew me well enough to know how to interact with me”” I have also been so lucky with close friends and I was just saying this to someone the other day, it’s one of the many revelations I’ve had about my adhd, while none of my friends have it and they honestly don’t have it well, I have still managed to find people that seem to “know how to deal with me” My very best friends in life have also been very blunt and to the point, they have always been very confident, and tell me “like it is”. And while most people are intimidated and tend to shy away from people like this I have always found them to be so wonderful to be around. Some people think my friends are mean? And I’m like “no you don’t understand this is what I NEED” I love when people are blunt with me, it’s helpful to me, I really stuggle with picking up on subtlety’s and if someone is coy, or passive, they will probably not like me very much. My mother once said “you are a bulldozer with people so your friends have to be strong” and that is so true. Another trait my friends and my spouse have are a NEVER ending amount of patience, I can be very frustrating to be around, and I can be very inconstant and flaky. If you are a patient person, you won’t mind this. Basically if you are a sensitive soul who has little patience, stay away from me because I am not for you! I almost always forget to say goodbye, I always forget to text back or call, but the right people won’t care, they’ll just catch you when they can and they won’t get hurt feelings from you not texting back etc…
OH and one more thing, I too have accomplished things, but I also don’t feel good about it. I think it may be imposter syndrome, or maybe it’s just that those with ADHD are good at finding loopholes and easy ways of doing things? I feel like for me it’s the ladder, I know how to simplify and shorten any difficult task ( I study the same btw) and for that reason when I do accomplish a task it’s not as rewarding. Anyway thank you for sharing! I appreciate it.