Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?


No, I wouldn’t do it again. This man is my first and only true love. No one has ever showed me love that was requited in the way this man has, however, despite possessing the traits any non-ADHD partner must have (see the posts above: patience, compassion, a will to succeed, kindness, mothering, emotional control, giving vs. receiving….) I can JUST TELL that the people who answered Yes are those who have been fortunate in terms of their health during their relationship with the ADD partner.

Sadly, I broke my fibula (leg) weeks before Christmas and I had to learn to walk again. I live alone in a beautiful apartment that does’t have an elevator and the community is on a hill so walking even if possible is not feasible during the winter months. I was cooped up indoors with my ADD bf living 5 minutes away by car. Did he assist me? Not really. Infact, my ex bf (a new father with his current gf) was much more assistance to me than the one who claims to be in love with me and lives so close. He’s 2 years unemployed, not getting any unemployment insurance from the government, and yet he could not be bothered to come and see me more than briefly. Garbage piled up and he never offered to take it out, he spilled a potted plant and soil sat in the carpting until a friend came to vacuum it. He spilled wonton soup onto my walker/rug on 3 occasions within the same ten minute time span as I lay drowsy on Percoset in bed watching his blundering movements.

He often got so down on his own life’s stresses that he wouldn’t come visit and he’d get to sick (pneumonis, etc.) from a poor diet and sedentary lifestyle that he wouldn’t be able to come by until his antibiotics or other meds had run their course.

He wouldn’t cook or clean up after himself, let alone crippled me. He always needed to be entertained, and I’d see him leave after a very short time because I was too boring for him. He even left me, still unable to walk at my first physiotherapy appointment. He went home to nap, and never returned. I got a tearful ride from some complete strangers that happened to be leaving the clinic that late in the afternoon as the darkness and cold decended over our wintertime Canadian city.

So, no. It isn’t worth the risk. These people are not responsible enough to care from themselves or any loved ones.