Watch what you say and how you say it. Avoid critical words and questions that put your partner on the defensive (“Why can’t you ever do what you said you would?” or “How many times do I have to tell you?”).
Communicate face to face whenever possible
Listen actively and don’t interrupt.
Request a repeat.
Manage your emotions.
Divide tasks and stick to them.
Schedule weekly sit-downs. Meet once a week to address issues and assess progress you’ve made as a couple.
Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load.
Delegate, outsource, and automate.
Split up individual tasks, if necessary. If the partner with ADHD has trouble completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner may need to step in as the “closer.” Account for this in your arrangement to avoid resentments.
Develop a routine. Your partner will benefit from the added structure. Schedule in the things you both need to accomplish and consider set times for meals, exercise, and sleep.
Set up external reminders. This can be in the form of a dry erase board, sticky notes, or a to-do list on your phone.
Control clutter. People with ADHD have a hard time getting and staying organized, but clutter adds to the feeling that their lives are out of control. Help your partner set up a system for dealing with clutter and staying organized.
Ask the ADHD partner to repeat requests. To avoid misunderstandings, have your partner repeat what you have agreed upon.