I identify with what you’ve shared to such a degree its almost comforting. I’m quite familiar with the loneliness you speak of. Often, in my own mind, I think of it as “aloneness”. I think of that line “loneliness is being in a room full of people and still feeling like you’re all alone”. There are times I can remember feeling exactly that. Today, there will be no room full of people. Searching my mental roladex, not one person comes to mind as a trusted, respected, reliable friend. Not so much as a fare weather friend. I have isolated myself to near complete “aloneness”. I’m a woman coming up on 39 years. No children(probably a good thing. In another life…), no career. Living with a man 14 yrs my senior who doesn’t have the patience or the respect or the love, for that matter, to take the time to understand why I am “the way I am”. Quite frankly, if I were in his shoes who’s to say I’d be much different. As a result of not having searched out the correct treatment for my various disorders, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, bipolar depression, attention deficit disorder..Reason being the only treatment i can get covered by my state funded insurance turned out to be a big sham… so here i am searching the internet for further help, when passed by this site, read your post, then felt compelled to respond. My apologies for all the “me me me” talk..i suppose i used this as an opportunity to vent a little. I wish there was a place for people who feel this isolation, fear and detachment to go and learn a new mental approach, retrain our thinking.. i dont know, feeling a bit hopeless.
Best wishes to you and thank you for sharing