I’m the ADD husband – diagnosed 17 yrs ago and married 25 yrs now. To ADDlobstah and Strwbry – you both nailed it! We beat ourselves up so much from a lifetime of self-disappointment – hearing it from our life partners is overwhelming. Your ideas are very thoughtful and considerate.
That being said, I think the spouses above need some support, too. One thing I noticed – are your spouses in treatment? I, too thought originally that meds were going to ‘fix this ADD thing’. What I didn’t realize was that a sound treatment plan needed to be in place with that in order address the ‘angry siblings’ of ADD – negative emotion and shame. I had internalized so much that there was little way that meds alone would do the trick. But I needed to want it for myself first – even when my amazing wife wanted out.
I’ve got a really good therapist now – going on 2 years. Along with the meds, we’re in a much better place. We share a lot of the home stuff now (except the finances – I know my limits!), and I’m happy to take those things off her plate. If younthink these may work, just be firm but supportive. If they’re not receptive to this kind of plan, then I think there’s more work for them to do individually – I know there wa for me!
I hope your spouses realize that they have amazing partners – you wouldn’t be exploring these fora here if you weren’t. I’d also like to think we are worth it, too. If you all can find that level ground (we did, though it wasn’t easy at first), I believe you can get to that place you both want to be. I wish you well on your journeys, and will check back… CHRIS