Reply To: SO insanely angry

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Yes of course we all get angry, we have these dreams these ideas…ohh there gone again…

Im about to take my last medical board exam in about 15 days. I am self diagnosed and am waiting to finish this huge step to have a breath and finally become properly diagnosed and treated. Anyways, I almost didn’t make it through medschool, I have always thought I am not intelligent enough to be a doctor. Looking back, I was the most hyper child I knew. As an adolescent, I was careless and didn’t have many goals for the future. All I wanted to do was play soccer, and I was damn good at it. Represented my country since I was 14 all the way to full scholarship in college at an IV league business school. I guess we are good at what interest our mind… Unfortunately I struggled with many aspects as I a progressed from elementary school to adolescence and adulthood. At 15 I was introduced to marijuana and developed a nasty habit. Im 34 now and still depend on it, so you can imagine the toll this has taken on my life and family. BTW, I was arrested for smoking and kicked off that cool college soccer team and lost my scholarship, but thats how I got to medschool (blessing in disguise).

I really gotta say, its hard being an student intern and trying to capture everything your Attending doctor says. Ive noticed eye contact really is not good for me and capture more if I dont even look at a person. I used to focus so much on looking at the person so I could demonstrate I was paying attention, yet got nothing at times. (try it, maybe works for you)
These medical board exams are timed and about 9 hours long, so you really cant stop and reread the question again. Its very frustrating to see that you fully understand a concept and failed the question because you didn’t read something right or fast enough. But like I said, Im ready now, after studying 100x harder than everyone else to get an average or slightly above average score which dictates your future basically. And btw, its not easy for me to study when my body wants to be doing sports and entertaining things all day. Family medicine will be great for me with a fellow in sport medicine. This way I can do both sports and address people with ADD. I dont want people suffering the way I have when there is great treatment out there.
I tried wellbutrin (buproprion: an atypical antidepressant also used to treat ADHD) and woau, that first dose was spectacular! I was in the car driving and all of a sudden I could follow the songs on the radio. I was so happy, I could do this! Unfortunately, that effect faded away and increasing the dose did help a little but never like that first time. Probably had something to do with the smoking. I have managed to stay clean for 1 week now since the test is getting closer and really hope I can stay this way permanently. Also, I will be seeking professional help after the test. I am confident that this substance abuse problem is related to the ADHD. Im really exited to see what I will be capable of!! If I made it this far already with ADHD and a substance abuse problem, I cant imagine how life changing proper treatment will be for me.
I really want the help, specially relationship wise. I have trouble initiating conversation for fear of freezing up as it has happened many times and have developed a rejection sensitive dysphoria. This is even worse because I have that hyper entertainer type personality and people cant even contemplate me having such issues, specially my family. I feel I have no one who understands this except you guys.
I wish you all the best of luck and find a doctor who really understand the importance and has the proper knowledge to treat and monitor the condition. For the new friend from Ethiopia, I would try to find out if wellbutrin is available. This drugs is also used to quit smoking tobacco and is also approved for weight loss. There are many drugs to treat ADD and ADHD. L-tyrosine is precursor of dopamine and is sold as a supplement.