Ok, I really sympathise because I’m married to someone who likes things run like a well oiled machine, it’s like being married to the enemy. I even got ridiculed and gaslighted habitually before I found out I had Aspergers with ADHD and guess what, even now that he knows I’ve got no breaks, I’ve just learned to draw more boundaries because otherwise my brain will be running on fumes and I’ll have a meltdown. I began to document like crazy to deal with the gaslighting and his behaviour towards me has improved considerably. As for friends, like one of the other commenters remarked, how does it matter to her if you’re doing all the small tasks, the only person harmed here is you. The only way I got happier was when I figured it’s better to be alone than be dragged down by judgy friends, regardless of any condition you have. I’m not saying go cold turkey and ban her form your life or anything, but draw boundaries, they’re going to keep you sane.