Reply To: SO insanely angry

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Solong Marianne

So am I. At 42 I realize that hard work won’t get me anywhere. I work hard, 80% of my waking day, but I do it all wrong. I don’t work “smart” like the smart people do. I am constantly confused, options keep me pondering for minutes, every decision has a thousand possible outcomes and I alone am responsible to choose the right one. Every word has hidden meanings. I try to orden them. I try to get hold on a pattern ( for combining clothes the correct way or folding laundry or doing make up or my hair, but I can’t!) As a freelance designer I should be able to be a master of the trade but I forget the basic principles, I say yes to projects that pays too little or that I have no clue what to do. I have my lists. Every other day a new and better one! I read the articles and try very hard to DO IT RIGHT. I try not to get confused. I TRY TO start with one thing AND finnish it, all in one go! I stopped the medication for anxiety and focus because it made me feel like all-smiling-clown. Friends shake their heads and give good advice…just plan, just pray, don’t overreact, because if you REALLY had a ADHD problem you would have struggled at school…and I didnt…..( but but but studying and reading is MY THING, that is my HYPER FOCUS thing, the only thing that I can actually do for hours! But the rest is mess!) And I am TIRED to explain to people that I am exhausted at the end of the day trying to KEEP IT ALL together up there. I am also a single mom of a child on the Autism Spectrum and between me and him we have “an evening to do list”, a “morning to do list”, a “Staying over to do list”, and dosen reminders on my cellphone making sure we end up on time for school. I feel ashamed and ANGRY, I should have been so much further in life, and yet every morning feel like starting at kindergarten.