I am very sorry for the struggle anyone with ADHD goes through. It really should be looked at as a neurological disorder as people would be more sympathetic to the struggles. My grown son has it and almost always fought treatment for it. He struggles many days because of it. We have a pretty strained relationship because he can treat people in very disrespectful terrible ways and his family gets frustrated with him not because of the symptoms but because of his refusal to get some kind of treatment to help reduce some of the symptoms.
Fast forward and we are raising and adopted his son whom has very severe ADHD symptoms. We have learned a lot about ADHD through this journey. No one wants to be afflicted with these symptoms, life can be a daily struggle without effective treatment. Finding that treatment is also very difficult as what works for one person does not for the other. Lots of trial and error. We’ve talked about this with him since he was little and continue to teach him it is not his fault, he was born with a disorder that needs symptom management just like a person born with diabetes needs medication and dietary modifications. All we ask of him is that he keeps trying to manage his symptoms. We try to make resources available to him and not make a huge deal when there is a symptom that gets the best of him.
I do feel for your struggles. Surround yourself by supportive people, rely on a friend that can tell you when your symptoms are getting the best of you and keep working on finding the best symptom management strategies for you. Find moments where you can just laugh and then pick yourself up and move on.