Home › Welcome to the ADDitude Forums › For Spouses & Loved Ones › HELP! Stuck in the Passive Aggressive, Spiteful and Vendictive Cycle › Reply To: HELP! Stuck in the Passive Aggressive, Spiteful and Vendictive Cycle
This old thread came up in a Google search for me. I live with something similar and wanted to add to this. I thought it was just ADHD as well, but medication actually didn’t improve his symptoms At all. In some ways, it brought out an egotistical side to an extreme.
Without his cooperation in therapy, I don’t think he’ll ever be diagnosed correctly, but 2 things have berm said about this by the therapist. One is narcissism and the other is called passive aggressive personality. Whatever the official name for it, it plays out as physiological abuse.
He has gone to great lengths to convince his friends that I abuse him and even his psychiatrist of this. He avoids any questions I have for him about anything…literally anything…by picking a fight with me. As soon as I slip and raise my voice a little (often to speak over him to tell him he has me wrong, because he likes to tell at me quickly to not allow me to talk) he will tell me I’m abusing him and sometimes go into a fetal position on the floor. It scares the kids when he does this and really confuses them. I do everything I can to minimize them witnessing his almost daily episodes, but at some point We have to be at the house for something.
It is truly a horrific, abusive situation that occasionally escalates to violence. However, he has spent years manufacturing a case of abuse against me so that he can take the kids from me, and he has full support of his equally sick mother (and their money).
The point of sharing is, if you came across this thread because it resonates with you and you’re trying to tie it to ADHD, stop. This type of behavior is NOT ADHD. It is extremely rare for those with personality disorders to seek treatment and succeed at changing. Don’t hold your breath. I let my situation get too extreme. Don’t forgive this the way I did and get yourself to safety.