Reply To: Diagnosed but waiting for treatment

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#108782
hjordisaa
Participant

Thanks for the encouragement Penny.

Treating the depression first made sense to me at first. But the number one source of my negative thoughts is the very real problem that I can’t get myself to do my work. Everything revolves around that. Every week I submit a timesheet, and I don’t even know how to fill it out because does time sitting at my desk trying and failing to work count? It makes me really want to quit my job – they’re not getting what they’re paying for. But this job is an awesome opportunity with amazing people and I don’t want to give it up.

At the last appointment I discussed my disappointment about not starting stimulants and my fear about my job. She was nice, but not helpful. I went over my appointment time crying about it in her office. I still don’t think I explained myself very well.

People keep preaching patience, but it doesn’t feel like just a waiting game for me. It feels like I’m deteriorating. I used to have so many good habits. I started every day with a color coded to-do list, I always had a concrete plan for the week. I would take walks and regroup when I started to hit a wall. But in time, my to-do list became the ONLY task I would complete on a daily basis. It started to feel like a waste of time to re-write a to-do list that I make no progress on and re-write every day. And when it 12:30 pm and you’ve done literally NO work, do I really need to take a break and take a walk? All of my non-medication coping strategies are falling apart.