Reply To: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week.

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#108597
Nelson DG
Participant

Hello to you all-

I am the best friend of a female adult who has ADHD. I am also someone who does not have ADHD, but am trying to be very supportive.

Let me begin by saying how amazing I think all of you are that must live with ADHD everyday. To assist my bestie, I have been doing what I can to learn about what she must go through. BUt I must also say that this motivation has come with a lot of argueing which includes several days of not speaking to each other. I always felt that when she didnt text or call that it was because she just didn’t care. This has led to a lot of arguements because I am one who needs constant communication to validate our relationship. I might add that I am also OCPD which adds to the stress for her.

The reason I wanted to reply, and actually signed up specifically so that I could, was because I wanted you all to know the frustrations for those of us who are not ADHD. We dont want to walk away, make you feel bad, or even criticize you for having ADHD. What we want to do is understand so that we might help and in turn assist the relationship. The problem is its hard for us non-ADHDers to know what to do. For instance, I don’t want to hurt her feelings because I ask questions – but how can I learn how to help if I’m in the dark about her needs?

I also wanted to reply about the “… destroyed me for a week.” It is just as stressful for those of us on the other end. Right now my best friend hates me because I’m brutelly honest with her about how much I miss her. All she ever wants to do is text. She hates talking on the phone and I really need that communication. I want her to talk to me because I want to make a mends. In fact, I’ve sent several messages that have gone unresponded. I’ve apoligized numerious times. What is the best advice you can give for someone on the outside looking in and in a panic that I may have lost my best friend? She did tell me she loves me and needs time. But what does that mean exactly? A day, a week, a year, a never?

Thanks for any replies and insite you can give me. We really do care. But we need to understand. I just want to be able to have a friendship with her. But how?

Dianne