Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

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#108041
Grizzly
Participant

This post is over a year old so I’m hoping some of these stories deterred you away from dating this guy because I would have to also say: No. I would not do it again. In many ways I feel like marrying this person has ruined my life. I’m almost 7 years in and seeing these people that after 25 years are still unhappy is very comforting. I had seen many statistics that say that staying married for 5 more years in an unhappy marriage makes it happy but I don’t think that accounts for abusive ADHD partners. I feel more certain of my decision now. I have been separated for a year now and feel very traumatized by the abuse I went through, often feeling like it makes me completely ruined to ever have a proper, happy marriage in the future (plus second marriage statistics aren’t so hot). He had angry outbursts, he had been physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. He couldnt keep any of his promises, he wouldnt even go to work a lot or do anything around the house which meant all of the money making and running the household fell on me. Oftentimes I never knew when he would be home and when he did come home he would just stay on the computer no matter how much i begged him to spend time with me. It really was a living hell and being out of it is terrifying in its own sense (am I going to die alone now??) but at least most peaceful and instead of someone spending all my money and putting us in debt I get to save up and things like that. So I hope you distanced yourself from that. Verbal abuse is non something you should have to tolerate in a marriage. Cheers.