My 13 year old boy was recently diagnosed with adhd, anxiety and depression. I totally understand what you are going through. Some days I feel so drained from dealing with him and all of the arguing that he does. He constantly tries to purposely annoy me to get me to do what he wants. His defiant behavior got him to the point that he has no games, no phone and no ps4. Sometimes he acts like he doesn’t care and acts defiant, but believe me, he cares. He tries to annoy me to give it back and sometimes I get so desperate I want to give it back, but that only causes more problems. Try to stay firm and It will get better. It might take a while but it will get better. We got this.