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Hey I know this is a later reply and perhaps things have changed since your last post..regardless, John sounds so much like my husband. His adhd is one thing, but it’s the other stuff that goes with it – particularly the lack of compassion and empathy and spontaneous decisions that have left me to deal with the aftermath of my ever-increasing anxiety attacks. I feel like the safety net (that one would feel in a normal relationship where two people communicate plans to one another and allow each other to share their deepest feelings without judgement and with understand) has been ripped away. I always managed to deal with anxieties when it was just my husband and I. But now with 3 young kids, not a week goes by that my heart isn’t racing or I can’t fully breathe because I feel so alone.
Anyways, enough about me. I’m just here to say that medication or not, he will most likely be like this the rest of his life. If I were to speak to my younger self, and the same goes for you..I say DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. You are asking for a lifetime of struggle. And it just gets harder the longer you’ve been married and if you have kids. As much fun as my husband may be (and he is the life of the party kind of guy), i’ve Gone through a lot of emotional pain just trying to handle his outbursts and poor planning skills. And then to have his family also toxic…you will never fully get the extra support that you’d need to stay strong in this relationship. Best of luck, but I hope time has allowed you to see what is best for you..