Sorry to be blunt, but you (author) sound exactly like the myopic, judgemental and hubristic AAs I have listened to and ultimately interjected in their berating of another struggling bottle junkie many times in my 12 years of sobriety/recovery. The type who have convinced themselves that their sobriety was their choice and no one else was responsible for t dir use and subsequent decision to stop. To such people I simply say, good for you, but just because you could (supposedly) do that, doesnt mean anyone else can. And just as addictions clinical dx requires “the inability to chose to quit on ones own.” And yes, AAs are drug addicted junkies no different than heroine addicts etc. ETOH IS A DRUG. The clinical dx for add/hd includes the inability to perform certain mental tasks as effectively as a neurotypical person. AND that some of the symptoms will never be completely minimized. And while it may true that each person participates in a particular dance, many of the most destructive absolutely have a perpetrator and a victim; dual victimization is total bs. I an also a survivor if emotional abuse. Abuse is NOT about mutual understanding, rather power and control. And yes the control is real, the victims are not weak or making excuses. They are traumatized. Some for the very symptoms known of by their abusers. NEVER FORGET THAT YOUR LOVED ONES ENTRUST YOU WITH KNOWING THEIR GREATEST FEARS AND VULNERABILITIES. USING THE KNOWLEDGE AGAINST THEM AS A FORM OF DEROGATION IS TREASONOUS TO LOVING THEM; THE MOST EGREGIOUS ABUSE OF TRUST VISITED UPON INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS.