Reply To: Two people with ADHD in relationship

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This is probably going to be a long and complicated explanation, but my best friend is also my ex-boyfriend. He has ADHD along with his brother and father. I had had several friends of mine mention that they thought I was ADHD and/or make comments about my “ADHD/ADD brain”. I always just brushed it off. It wasn’t until I started pursuing a relationship (now my ex) that I realized there was actually a good chance that I had it. Him off his meds was my daily life. I opted to try counseling first because I wasn’t sold on the whole medication idea. Well, counseling really wasn’t all that helpful (still trying to find another counselor that might be able to help more because I know even with the meds I still need it). I finally decided to try medication due to the pressure of school and work increasing and my coping mechanisms proving to be inadequate or detrimental to other areas of my life. It has been the biggest game changer for me. I have been able to think through things a little bit better instead of being impulsive and I can somewhat manage my emotions instead of completely withdrawing or flying off into the wild blue yonder with whatever I am feeling at that moment. And I honestly believe had I been medicated the first time, we might have made it further. So coming from a person who was strongly anti-medication at first, sometimes you have to warm up to the idea. It helped me to read commentary from people who tried meds and it changed their life or they got a diagnosis later in life. For me, one of the biggest fears of being medicated was that it would change who I was. While it definitely does change my ability to use executive functions (for the better), I feel like I am more able to be me because I am not constantly overwhelmed by everything. Don’t know if that will be helpful or not, but sometimes finding out why a person doesn’t want to can be helpful. She also probably needs to realize that medication is just a tool. I think even in our relationship now, he recognizes the value of me being on meds too because he knows not to have a serious conversation unless I am on them (so I will actually remember the conversation) or at least having a VERY good day and have a chance to remember some of it. Make sure if you do bring it up, she is having a “good day.” And sometimes taking notes during a conversation helps me too, despite it looking/feeling funny.