Well done for reaching out!
So, what’s clear is that you have a lot of different areas in your life where you’re having difficulties. What particular areas are you struggling in? So, for example, you mention that your house is a disaster- do you mean that it’s in disrepair, that it’s unclean, or untidy? With your relationship with your husband- are you arguing more, does he resent your ADHD, does he understand how your ADHD affects you?
I know I sound patronising right now, but the first step in working out a plan for dealing with these kinds of things is listing them out clearly so that you know what all the elements are, and then working out an individual plan for each one.
You’ve explained that meds are currently ineffective. What meds are you taking, what other ones have you tried, what dosage, how long have you been taking them for, and does your specialist know that you’re finding them ineffective? Remember that there are about 50 different ADHD medications, and not all of them work for everyone. Just because you haven’t found the right one yet doesn’t mean you never will. Also, are you noticing any NEGATIVE effects from your pills? If you are, you need to consult your specialist immediately, as you’re not supposed to experience ANY negative side effects, at least not without MASSIVE improvement in your symptoms.
You also mention that your specific goals are to have a clean and tidy house and to cook every day. What strategies do you have in place to help with this? Where do you find that the whole plan comes tumbling down? I know that, for me, I have days when I clean, and days when I cook. If I try to do both on the same day, I wind up wiped, and grouchy for the rest of the day. That doesn’t mean that I never do both on the same day, it just means I hate the world on days when I have to.
I, personally, have quite a lot of experience when it comes to cooking at least. Can I ask what kinds of meals you’re trying to cook? Bear in mind that there are some delicious and nutritious meals that you can whip up in 45 minutes, or even less (not that I’ve ever managed to cook anything in less than 2 hours). You don’t have to make a full roast every day 🙂
With tidying, are you the ONLY person doing the tidying in the house? Could you leverage your children to, for example, put away their own toys at the end of the day? Or implement an ‘only four toys out at a time’ rule? Could you get your husband to help fold the laundry?
If you’re in a situation where your house has been an utter mess for a very long time (so that the dining table is buried in a mountain of paperwork, like my Mother’s table perpetually is), you maybe need to enlist your husband’s help one weekend (or several) to get EVERYTHING in order- one cleanup to rule them all- then after that you only need to MAINTAIN that state. I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but it’s also a lot easier to KEEP something tidy than it is to MAKE something tidy. Getting everything in order to begin with could be the first step in getting to that state you desperately want.
If you have any questions or thoughts on anything I’ve said, please feel free to ask. If you want some example recipes for quick meals, I’m happy to provide those, too 🙂