Reply To: Married to ADD

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The decision making process for an ADD’er can be excruciatingly slow and very often inefficient. Does a neuro-typical more often make better, quicker and more logical decisions? Without a doubt. But if you consistantly rip that aspect out of the hands of another person, resentment is the result. Is this easy – no, absolutely not. My advice would be to back off, allow the other person to exist on equal footing – and know that you will have to sometimes be the parent in the situation. You will absolutely have come to the rescue in many occasions, however, the less angry become the better – trust me on this one. Will this solve the over-aching ADD problem – NO! But it will allow the person with ADD to gain some self-respect and self-confidence, thereby feeling like they are on equal footing without feeling like they are treated like an irresponsible 15 year old child. Encourage your husband to buy whatever note taking device he desires and somehow encourage him to write his thoughts down in the book. Carry the book with him and if he loses it – then buy him another one – and if he loses that one, buy him another one! All without making a big deal of it – treat it like “it is what it is”. If it weren’t for exhaustive note taking I wouldn’t be able to function. Fortunately for me I learned this on my own fruition, but great sacrifice is the result. I do fine in day-to-day life, but I am not a prolific accomplisher of things – this is because I am constantly reorganizing my thoughts and notes, trying to not forget what I need to do, what I’ve done, etc. etc. I could probably take on a lot of other things in my life, but this would more than likely overload me and I would begin to flounder due to having too many things going on. Try to simplify your lives. If organization is an issue, then help him organize (without being overbearing or making it all about you), as this will not improve on its own. The ADD mind is by definition unorganized and unable to process things like a neuro-typical person, therefore, the world has added challenges due to this. Chaos manifests into more chaos. There is little room for more chaos (like weight issues) when trying to get through the day requires all physical and psychological attention. Simplify things, organize things and help when needed. And know that this won’t solve the problem, it will only help address it. Perhaps if this occurs then, with some of the chaos put to the side, the actual issues can be addressed; seeing a doctor, being motivated and organized enough to get and stay on medication – and finally, looking to adjust the lifestyle to improve the body image.