Reply To: Married to ADD

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I appreciate the feedback… I can not even begin to image what goes on in my husband head. I try so hard to do things that take the “extra” responsibility off him. I certainly do not make all the decisions as if I had been over the years we wouldn’t be where we are especially in the financial situation we find ourselves in. The hardest thing I have a problem understanding is the impulsive thinking. I send my husband for soccer cleats for 1 child ($50 item) he comes back with tee-shirts for himself in addition. His justification is “they were only $7 EACH”. but you purchased 5 so now a $50 purchased became close to $100.

We have a shared calendar in our phones. That only works if one looks at it no? A daily calendar as well as write on board for daily lists and activities for the kids. I keep money hidden in his car for the day when he runs out of gas and forgot his wallet. I know he does not intentionally set out each day to forget things and such.

I want to see a marriage counselor but I want him to make the decision who to see. In 2015 we went to therapy and he “didn’t like MY girl”. OK so find one you do like and I’d be happy to go.

Small steps would count in a BIG way. Taking some healthy lifestyle changes I know is challenging but I know that the act of exercising and dieting and thus weight loss would lead to better sleep, increased ability to focus and an improvement in the overall way one feels.

I want him to admit he has limitations and ask me for help. Its the current state of arrogance and blaming me because I have reached my limit. I very often fly off the handle because as the non-ADD spouse who can not fully understand his head it gets old and exhausting over the years.

I want him to be the best version of himself, for himself, for me and for our children. I am a bit of a control freak…. some of which was inborn and some of which has grown in me after years of him being ADD. I think it is difficult for me to realize that I have no control over this and I need to make a choice every day to focus on myself.

“Hope is not a strategy. If you want to fix your marriage, fix yourself” I’m working on these two ideas every day now. Making changes in my life. In my reaction to my husband.