Reply To: Married to ADD

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Penny Williams

Most non-ADHD spouses find themselves taking on more of the “daily grind” in the relationship. You have to split the duties based on what each person is successful at doing. Sounds like he’s not good at remembering to make appointments and actually doing it, so that may need to be one of your tasks.

Structure and routine are key. I know some people in this situation make a daily to-do list. The key is that everyone gets a to-do list, not just the ADHD spouse. Then no one is called out or made to feel like you’re mothering or nagging. Any tasks that are done repetitively (like laundry) should happen on the same day and time every week. Once things become habit, it takes away the issue of poor memory.

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ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism