Reply To: S.O.S. Trying to explain why I need private time afterwork

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#106376
ASpring
Participant

Inkpool, Thank you SO much for writing. I can’t tell you how encouraging it was to read this and know that I’m not alone with my struggles!! I didn’t somehow know about “transition” time, but it is a true battle that was so enlightening to see verbalized and fought for. I face this all the time, and notice myself looking for errands to do after work almost, in order to delay coming home to Many more demands and responsibilities. When I’ve brought my need for “chill time” up to my spouse, it’s received with hurt and I find myself easily having to fight with guilt.
As for interacting-closely- as an adult with parents, I SO hear you there too. Man, I have compassion for you because my husband and I lived our first year of marriage with my parents due to finances, and even now we still live within 10 miles of them. Relationships with parents, no matter how wonderful they are, can be Really complicated and full of emotions triggers, for me at least. However, I can see very clearly that you have a great heart for them, that you appreciate them, and you’re trying everything to be fair, kind, and to find a way to make it so that your interactions are as wonderful as possible. For people like us, we have to find a functional way to create enough personal time so that our family time is the best it can be; maybe looking at it that way will help us all too. I find myself feeling somewhat anxious if I let my husband know when I’m supposed to get off work; I LOVE spending time with him, too! But my work is really hard to leave on time, and the thought of giving EVERYTHING I have, including extra time at work, then coming home to excited and ailing loved ones Right away is…a very unrestful thought to say the least. Would it be helpful, possibly, for you to tell your mom around what time she should expect you home, which could have a built-in 2 hours, 1 hour, or a half-hour delay from when your shift ends? I’m not good with arguing, confrontation, setting boundaries or saying no; I’ve still got a Lot of personal growth to do. Whew. Thanks though, for putting a spot-light on an issue I’ve been havings a hard time dealing with, without cognitively putting it all together myself. Maybe now I’ll be wiser when it comes to NOT falling into more 2 hour shopping/coupon-ing trap-trips after work, which of course sort-of accomplishes a task, buy only Really accomplishes makeing me More emotionally, mentally and physically spent.
Best of luck with your parents. Remember to be Gracious and gentle with yourself, too. I think you’re doing a Great job in a tough situation, and you’re really working so hard to find a positive way to best interact. Don’t give up. I’m rooting for you, and I already believe in you for some great wins in your future with this, and any-other ADD/ADHD issue that arrives. You’ve clearly got a great and level head on your shoulders. Honestly, I’m looking forward to one day being the same kind of self-aware person you already seem to be. You can do it, Inkpool!!!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by ASpring. Reason: My grammer errors needed corrected