We don’t know him, but do you think it is safe to leave someone who is basically 15 or 16 (behaviorally) alone for an extended time? We can be frustrating to know, but you can’t retaliate… Well, you CAN, but is it going to help?
I’ve never had video games to escape into, but I have listened to CDs and not heard a smoke detector through a floor and several walls. Even watching tv might be enough to “drown out” sound to try to forget any bad feelings he’s having about himself and the world.
I guess I’d try… oh, never mind. If I were him I’d feel lost and guilty for not being a better kid. If he felt more empowered to learn life skills he’ll be a better student and employee. Is there anywhere near you that he can go, even a library if there isn’t a vocational type counselor?
What I was going to say, for an more immediate impact… Maybe he thinks a family meeting is about or will dissolve into an attack against him. (I probably wouldn’t feel “safe”.) So, maybe try leaving a pleasant-looking note on his door: “Hi Billy, We are having a meeting about going on vacation this summer. I’d really like your input! Staying home alone won’t be an option, so please come upstairs around 5:30. Luv, Momster.” If he doesn’t show up, move the meeting to the floor outside his door…