Working on the shame could help you tremendously. You’re not defective, you have a different brain. You have a different way of doing things that are outside of the “norm.” And that’s ok as long as you get the job done.
The key after working through your feelings of shame is to find ways of achieving what you have to that work for you. This is what ADHD coaches facilitate, but I know it’s not an expense everyone can manage. You may be able to find a job coach (in the public employment office?) that can work with you on this as well.
You listed your sticking points as:
“keeping commitments, doing paperwork, focusing, sitting still, remembering meetings”
So, start brainstorming some out-of-the-box ways to keep commitments, get paperwork done, remember meetings, etc… Then keep trying different tools and strategies until you find what works for you. A calendar with alerts/alarms? Setting a schedule for doing paperwork (like every day from 4-5 pm is paperwork, for instance)?
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism