Reply To: S.O.S. Trying to explain why I need private time afterwork

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#106061
Chuk
Participant

Inkpool et al:

(this is my first post !! weeee)

Actually this is a common issue and not just with ADD/ADHD people!!! The transition from ‘work’ (or school) to ‘home’ is something that sometimes takes some navigating. I learned this 30 years ago when my DD was just a toddler, and I picked her up at daycare after my day was over. (she was in a home daycare, with a wonderful person, named Deb)

We would get home and I would want to start getting dinner ready before my wife got home. I would be stressed about that, toddler DD wanted Dad time, wife would get home and I’d be frazzled!! ARRRRGHHGHH!!!!!

I talked to Deb about it; she called it The Arsenic Hour. Transitioning from one mode to another. Lots of families have trouble in that time. It’s when blow-ups happen, words get said that aren’t meant, etc.

Our solution was simple: I’d pick up DD at daycare, go home and then we’d spend a few minutes with just each other – playing on the floor, reading a book, whatever. Just some time together. After a few minutes, she was involved by herself, I could separate long enough to start dinner, wife would come home, I’d be happy, DD happy, everyone wins!!!

The important part was actively managing that transition period. In ours, DD needed me right away upon getting home, more so than I needed to get dinner started.

Inkpool, sounds like you’re well on the way to solving this. Part of this is to let you know that this problem is VERY common, it isn’t really the result of ADD/ADHD (tho that can add an extra bit to it!!).