Reply To: Shame/lack of trust about having a crush

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#105849
Spaceboy 99
Participant

Thanks ^^

What I tended to do with the whole dynamite thing was gradually try to spend more and more time with the individual. Gradually try to increase the level of casual physical contact, in a completely non-sleazy way. Go to different places with them, different events, cook for them, etc. To start off with, if they agree to all this stuff, it’s a good sign that they like you at least as a friend 😛 Try to read each and every possible sign. Then, at the point where the pain of uncertainty becomes too much, throw the dynamite, no matter what signs you do or don’t have. It was easier for me, because that level of uncertainty LITERALLY makes me ill. So around the time my stomach started doing an impression of a fire hose was usually the time I had to tell the girl 😛

I don’t know if I eased into it (adhd isn’t really conducive to easing into anything :P), but I know I went a good… 22 years without doing it. Thinking about it, those two years since I started were actually the most successful in my dating life. Then I hit my current relationship, and you know the rest 🙂

To be fair, I don’t know if you CAN ease into it. The whole point of the dynamite technique is to STOP trying to ease into things and just getting it over with 😛 I mean, don’t get me wrong, you kind of have to tailor the dynamite to the individual. There was a Japanese girl I got into a relationship with. She was really shy, but sweet, and I couldn’t just BLURT all my feelings. So, instead, I asked her what she thought of me. Then I said I really liked her. Like, a lot. Then I asked her if she maybe liked me more than a friend, to which the answer was yes. I still threw dynamite at the problem, in the sense that I committed myself to a course of action, but this took place over 2-3 minutes instead of 5 seconds, and the whole entire date had been leading to that moment. We’d gone to see a choir (because Christmas), gone for a walk in the moonlight, then wandered into a nice little pub and found a corner seat that kind of squished us together, and played chess for a little while. Then the confession 😛 It does help a lot to make the evening you plan to throw the dynamite extra-romantic if possible.

Any more questions, you just let me know 🙂