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Having raised a child ADHD, and another with ADD, I have some ADD tendencies, and a grandson with ADHD…I have a little experience with how not to deal with situations. I have a few suggestions.
1) Try to remain calm. Yelling and screaming just doesn’t work. If they are in trouble at school, they have been dealing with troubled thoughts about what is waiting for them at home.
2) Become familiar with DBT. Dialectic Behavior Therapy is a method of teaching kids to control themselves. It teaches them how to think instead of just do whatever pops in their active little minds.
Some prisons use this type of behavior control in order for a prisoner to qualify for parole. It helps reduce repeat offending.
3) Love that kid to pieces. Most are really brilliant and you can’t see it if you have a negative attitude and focus only on the behavior that they get into trouble for. Invest in them, get the help they need. Counseling or whatever they need. Whatever you might need for yourself.
I have mixed feelings about meds, I used them for my son and it helped him to focus and reduce some of his behaviors. But I didn’t have enough wisdom to add DBT to the mix. It’s not the answer for everything, but it gives you a good tool and skills in listening and self control. All these things will help you give your child the tools he needs to survive and thrive in his world.