Reply To: Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents Behavior & Discipline Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right? Reply To: Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right?


Hi. I just read your post and have been getting the articles and webinars for almost a year now but haven’t really had the time to do anything. Although I’m not a single parent. I do have 3 boys 15 (weeks away), 11 and 3. Everything you said with a few exceptions describe my 11 year old. It seems like 11 is the age. I felt and still feel guilty because as of this week we are sending him away to a children’s home that have group and individual behavioral therapy due to his stealing. We feel that being among other children that have the same issues and are working through them may help, as he doesn’t have any friends really at school, never has been invited but to 1 birthday party in his entire school career and frankly isn’t well liked at home due to the habitual lying, stealing, and agitation just for agitation’s sake of everyone. I know this may have him picking up other behaviors but we are truly at our wit’s end. We have tried psychiatry, behavioral therapy (but like you when he started it was one of the few that took his insurance and it was a revolving door due to too many patients), medication that he’s still on, while he’s on the medication he’s the kid I know and love. When he’s not or it’s worn off I wonder who’s kid is this and why is he here, why do I have to take care of him… I’m his mom. I am supposed to love him but I feel like for self-preservation’s sake, I can’t. I can’t continue to hurt like this. He’s stealing from us and from his peers as well as teachers at school. Prior to this, which has always been going on, but prior to this he was a great kid. prior to school he was an awesome kid. Kindergarten started the stealing from teachers, glittery and shiny objects, then key chains and pencil sharpeners and other things from other kids. Now it’s cell phones from teachers and peers, leather cowboy boots, more expensive things. I fear for him as he ages because of the amounts of these things. He can and will get arrested if the victims press charges. I know it may not be the best choice to send him away but in thinking of my marriage, thinking of my family and his brothers, we need a time out. I also again fear for his safety. Being a young male and a minority doesn’t help him at all in this day and age and we’re really trying to get him to see that. We talk with him, he gets spankings or as we call them (whoopings) but they’re spankings. He’s actually getting too old for them, and they’re not effective. He gets things taken away, punishments, all of which he adapts to and continues on his life. I feel like he’s at a point where he’s like ok, what’s new. everything else has been taken away from me. I know what it’s like to have nothing. I don’t want that. I do love my child. I feel like a horrible parent. We both do. We just don’t know what else to do. Concerta has been used, but we can no longer afford it. and to be honest we have good insurance but we just simply cannot afford to keep up with all of these doctors and medications that he needs to just function. He does get in trouble in school. Especially now that he’s in middle school. He’s been in in school suspension 3 times in 1 month. He’s labled as a theif and rightfully so because he does in fact steal everything they accuse him of and we find it and return it. He has a 504 and doesn’t really need it, is really bright but doesn’t have the desire to work (which I feel is normal at this stage too). He had a tablet but has had it taken away due to inappropriate searches and viewings (somewhat normal, but the content is alarming). We’re just again at wit’s end. He is talked to by family. We all try to understand him. He’s ADD/ADHD/ODD and we feel every piece of it. I have tried organizing him with his help, he doesn’t utilize the system. I’ve tried being proactive and having meetings and emailing teachers, I think it does more harm than good as they started seeing the stealing after I called it out, trying to be proactive… We find food all in his room, typically sugary things. Depression is something I never though of, but have now after reading this forum. But I just don’t know what else to do and avoided this forum for the sake of being called a bad parent. Being thrown articles at. Feeling alone. Being judged without words. I didn’t want to hijack your post either, so I’m sorry. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.