Reply To: Acting out and feeling bad

#104671
Spaceboy 99
Participant

TL:DR- Don’t worry, everyone with ADHD does it at some point. Try to take breaks when you can feel you’re getting stressed. Is there any particular subject you’re worried about that I might be able to give you study tips for?

I can’t relate to this specifically, but I can relate to the outbursts and feeling like a massive letdown to the people you care about. What is important to remember is that your outbursts are not a sign that you can’t do the thing, nor that you don’t care about/like/love your parents, but they’re a symptom of your own frustrations. I don’t know how much your parents ‘get’ your ADHD, but if they’re trying to force you to stay in the situation (i.e. trying to force the concepts down your throat despite your discomfort/irritation), then they’re going about things the wrong way.

As a potential aid (AID, not solution), you could try working out a system with them by which, when their attempts to explain start to become too much for you, you all take a step back from the situation. They go do something else, you go do something else, for 10-20 minutes, to disengage (set a timer, though), then you go back and try again. It may not help you get the work done, or the concepts in, but it may help the emotional outbursts. The important thing is to not try to just push through, but to stop when you see you’re STARTING to get worked up. Don’t wait, don’t leave it, nip it in the bud immediately, then try to come back.

Someone else said about maybe seeing if a friend or teacher can help, and that’s a good idea, too. Another possible way to look into this is trying to engage with the topic in different ways. Something like Stackoverflow, or certain reddits, or other online forums may have different tutorials dealing with whatever your subject is. There may be audio shows, podcasts, or youtube channels dealing with the topics. Try looking into different ways to engage with the material, then only go to your parents and teachers with specific questions, or do it the other way round- go to them for the general explanation, then go off on your own to work out the bits you didn’t understand.

Not everyone learns the same way, and not everyone has the same strengths and triggers. I, personally, learn best from reading things, typing up summaries, and trying to explain them to other people (either out loud, or with more typing). Trying to listen to people is really hard, and writing things by hand takes too long, and too much concentration. If I was writing this to you by hand, I’d have probably stopped after the first paragraph, because I just got tired from doing it.

Another way to approach learning is to break it down into its component parts. So, for example, say I wanted to learn how cars work, I’d need to learn the different parts of the car (Bodywork, Chassis, Interior, Motor, Radiator, Oil and Fuel Chambers, Breaks, Pedals for starters), what each of them does/what their purpose is, how they interact with each other, and how burning fuel turns into motion. So I’d make a list of all the different parts, and what each of them does. Then I’d find out how they work with each other, so, what happens when I press the gas, and what happens when I press the brakes. What happens when I switch gears? And I’d go off and do this by myself, or I’d ask people about specific parts. You can do this with LITERALLY anything. Break the big thing that you know nothing about into little things you DO know something about, or that you know you need to learn about. I actually do this every day at work (I work in research), and I use this technique to understand things I know LITERALLY NOTHING about (Just to make this clear, I did my degree in Philosophy, but I work in real estate market research, despite having no training in real estate, markets, research, or business).

Finally, is there any one subject, or set of subjects, that you’re struggling with? I may have more specific learning strategies you can try to use, depending on what they are 🙂 Sorry this got so ranty!