Reply To: I feel so left out – it’s like I’m invisible. Any advice please?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults I feel so left out – it’s like I’m invisible. Any advice please? Reply To: I feel so left out – it’s like I’m invisible. Any advice please?

#104651
pluevo
Participant

For myself, and I am not sure if it is due to my ADD, but I find small talk and a lot of common chat excruciatingly UNINTERESTING. I don’t get the point of a lot of it, and I can’t seem to either say things that I don’t mean or else pretend to care about things that I really don’t care about. I find it so exhausting if I am forced to ‘perform’ adequately in those types of conversations, and then don’t pull it off even when I try.
Besides ADD, I also have mild Aspergers (which is usually less conspicuous in females). There are a fair number of people who do not realize that they have Aspergers in addition to their ADD. For me, it means that I also find it hard to follow group cues, even during a discussion about something that actually interests me. Group conversation seems like a tennis match in which there are numbers of players, and I cannot anticipate or recognize when the ball comes my way, or how or where to hit it without messing up the game. I am so slow to realize what to do that I usually end up staying silent.
I have been hard on myself my whole life about this. I am older and did not find out about my conditions until just the last few years. Knowing about them would have helped, and I regret beating myself up for so long. Don’t do that, please. It is not a bad thing to be genuine. I was once surprised when a friend told me ‘you are the least superficial person I know.’ When you get older, you will be more glad that you did not waste your hours on petty chatter.