Thanks @Spaceboy 99. Your message has helped. I can see a lot of what you mentioned in my situation and think I need to be patient. I’m trying to deal with blaming myself for things too, but I guess that takes time. I guess all behavioral changes take time which is why the situation can often be so frustrating.
Yesterday I really needed the emotional support of my DH but he was in his own world again. We are slowly working through things though and I know 100% in my heart that this year has been a lot better than last year. His med management is still really poor, but he is starting to recognize the things he does that can be hurtful or even energy depleting on my end. He mainly only notices it on his meds, but it gives him time to recognize that he does have these habits.
Out of interest, when you stop yourself from doing the things thag annoy your SO, do you feel like you have too mich energy bottled up though or is it not like that? I don’t want him to feel frustrated if he needs to let energy out…obviously I’d prefer it isn’t in such a depleting manner but maybe then would look into other ways he can direct his energy. He doesn’t have any hobbies though and doesn’t know where to start on that score.