My mother-in-law once reminded me to remember the man I married & think about whether he had really changed or not. He did hyper focus on me while we were dating and responded much like the other spouses described with ADHD. When we talked about it he assured me that he loved me even more and it took me years to take his word for it rather than feel that he was intentionally neglecting me.
It was incredibly difficult but I needed to be the one to initiate almost all our activities together in addition to doing many other tasks around the home.
There was a time and I strongly considered leaving him long enough for him to grow up. Now I am glad I stuck it out. He developed cancer a few years after that and we were together a lot during that period of time. Being so sick opened to his eyes to many things and, because of necessity, he became my best companion again. I think it was in part because of the intensity of it and the realization that his days were limited, in somewhat the same way that a deadline seems to help with the tendency to procrastinate.