trbell – I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story! I’ve recently come to realize my grandmother, sister, and ex-boyfriend (who was accused of rape by 6 women I know of) all have Antisocial Personality Disorder (AKA “sociopath”) and many people in my family (including my mother) are codependents/enablers.
I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that you’ve also endured the hell of being emotionally abused. Having spent so many years enduring the hell of my sister and a mere 1 year of dating (then 4 years being stalked by) my ex I can only imagine how difficult divorce from a narcissist may be! Have you looked at the Out of the FOG website and forum? I’ve find it immensely helpful.
The thing is that I’ve struggled with the worry that I married someone like my sister. It’s only recently, though therapy, that I became assured that I didn’t. The fact that you jumped to the same concern actually brings me so much solace! I’m relieved to know others would have equally as much difficulty feeling assured their spouse doesnt have a personality disorder. It makes me even more resolved in setting the boundaries I need to set to feel assured this is the case.
The thing with my husband is that he’s been VERY receptive to the boundaries I’ve set in the past. The instances I’ve described have spanned the past 4 years and outside of them he’s never been anything like a narcissist/sociopath. On top of that, when he’s confronted with my emotional reaction to those actions (which has only happened in therapy because I otherwise hide my crying from anyone and everyone) he’s been quite contrite.
Despite all that, I’m not sure if I’m willing to commit myself to reliving the pain of his odd/inappropriate/confusing behaviors. Understanding the reason he does these things might help me forgive him, but it won’t make them hurt any less. I feel like in order to stay in those marriage I have to choose between requesting he temporarily cut contact with everyone from the sociopath business or accept that I can’t let myself trust him to make my well-being a higher priority than theirs.
Thank you all, again, for sharing! This forum has been so helpful to me this week! 💜