Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!! Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!


I’m going to echo others and say that maybe this isn’t just about ADHD.
Maybe he’s also depressed. Maybe there’s some unmet he hasn’t been able to express to you (maybe he hasn’t realized what it is yet). Maybe he doesn’t raise that it’s normal for your interest in a person to change and that you have to intentionally do things to re-kindle it. Maybe he does have a personality disorder or still something else… But I definitely feel like this isn’t just about adhd.

I’m also going to second the recommendations that you work on your communication with each other.
A good book to read for this is “non-violent communication” by Marshall Rosenberg. It explains how to understand your needs and the needs of others and communicate about them with empathy.
I might also recommend the idea of couples counseling here. My husband and I have done it before and it has done wonders for our ability to communicate and our willingness to communicate difficult things with each other to have a skilled professional to consult and meditate when needed.

I Also want to recommend a book called “the five love languages.” it may be that your husband is trying to express his love for you in a “language” you that isn’t meaningful for you (and vice versa). This book was also very helpful for me to understand how to give my husband what he needs in a way that’s fulfilling for him.