Reply To: I feel so left out – it’s like I’m invisible. Any advice please?

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#104406
graceofgod5
Participant

I hear you. I feel the same way in group settings with sometimes competing personalities in the group. I think it really is just how group dynamics work. I was recently in a similar situation. It was a work brainstorming meeting. The group was large and the dominant personalities quickly emerged. I was in the same situation…didn’t want to be there but needed to be because of my position. I was so overwhelmed I didn’t even try to speak up and the time I did try, someone talked over me. It was a very long session and I was struggling to sit still and pay attention with all the competing sounds. Frustrating for sure.

I believe the things you say about you are true…that you are likable, are a good friend, and have a good sense of humor. My encouragement to you..and a reminder to me..is to rest in that knowledge. You know what is true about you and you like those things. They are beautiful attributes. We don’t really know what anybody else thinks about us unless they tell us. And then we still don’t know because we filter it through our perceptions. I think the tendency with add/adhd is to go to the negative interpretation and that causes much stress and anxiety. At least it has for me!

I don’t know you but you sound a lot like me and in that case…you have a lot to say and what you have to say is quite interesting and you want to be with people who take the time to really see and know you. That’s where you feel free. So maybe in those other situations, instead of letting them intimidate you, change your perspective to…I choose to only share this much because it’s not a safe atmosphere..instead of “I don’t get to be me.” You get to be powerful.

We are all odd in our own sort of way. I like to call it “gifted.” Us add-ers have a unique set of qualities that are very good things that others don’t have. That doesn’t make us better…just different. I’m trying to think on those things because I have the tendency to really not like who I am because I can’t seem to function like “normal” people do in life. Then that gets me mad and sad and I don’t want other people to have that kind of power over me to influence how I see myself.

One thing I’m learning is to ask for what I need. When people find a listening ear, they gravitate toward them. It feels so good to be heard and while we love being that for others, we have the same need. We have to teach people how to care for us. It may mean saying…I really love caring for you and I love to hear your stories. I need a listening ear from you too so that I also feel cared for in this relationship.” If they still don’t reciprocate you may need to set boundaries and limit how much you are willing to listen to them.

I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I so empathize with you and I hate it that you feel that way. It’s an awful feeling. I wouldn’t want you to change anything about you at all. Who you are is amazing.