The comment about newness as a stimulant should be one you really listen to because you’re getting stuck in a victim position, taking his behavior with strangers as a personal affront against you. That’s a hard place to climb out of,
and you may need professional help with it or find a support group for A.D.D. spouses. Let me tell you as a person with A.D.D., the chemistry of it is very strong. This morning, two men who work in my apt building came in to winterize the A/C units. While they were here, I made the bed, started a soup, fixed a good breakfast, and opened some of my mail. The minute they left, I felt like a marionette dropped by a puppeteer. My energy disappeared and I haven’t done anything at all challenging since! That’s an A.D.D. trait (called doubling) that I can’t get control over. That’s not the problem you’re raising I know, but it’s just to say we who suffer with A.D.D. may be loving, intelligent human beings, but our A.D.D. is very powerful and something we struggle with every day. If your husband is picking up on your feeling that he’s failing you, it can trigger self-loathing and an avoidance of a too-challenging task, in this case, your demands (spoken or unspoken). You need to have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling, but make sure you know going in that it’s most likely not deliberate, conscious or “his fault.” Use “I” statements only …no blame. The date idea is a good one, but you’ll have to deal with your growing anger-monster first!