Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!! Reply To: I hate my husband's hyperfocus!!!


I have ADHD and my wife does not. We recently did an interview on ADHD reWired (, and I think it may help in this area as we do talk about what works for us.

In all honesty, relationships are so subjective, but there is one thing that makes marriages work better than anything else: communication. I don’t doubt that you have tried this approach already, not at all.

My wife tried communicating her needs (similar to yours) to me for years, and it has taken many years to hear them and follow through (on many, not all) of her needs. I love her dearly, and she made me aware of what was bothering her. I will admit it was an ego-denter, for sure, but I knew I had to do something after so many of the same conversation. So, I did, and continue to do so, and we remain happily married. [Example: I would often think about positive traits of my wife, but I rarely said them; I started, and I continue to do this, and it has helped a lot.] If she had not said something to me, and made sure I wholeheartedly understood, we likely would not be in a happy marriage.

Recommendation: Maybe give him one thing that would mean the world to you, small or medium, and see how he responds. It is very much important that he hears you, and it can be overwhelming for him to hear it, so starting smaller may help.

And again, it’s all subjective, and there are a great deal of emotions and nuances in relationships, but I hope something in my response (or on the podcast) helps you out. I wish you both the best.